For the last couple of days I've been sort of manic. Moments of hope mixed in with the despair that has kind of moved into my every day reality. I am feeling bad right now because I don't know how to feel about my aunts.. my mom's sisters... like I wish I were closer to them but we're just not. I went to my nephue's wedding shower yesterday and sat next to my aunt that looks sorta like my mom did. :( It's comforting and hard at the same time. I look at her and see mom, and it breaks my heart. It's hard not having anyone in my life like that.. older women, someone who loves me. It feel so alone here without my mom. It's just so unfair that she has to be dead. It's so sucky to think of her BURRIED... I hate this... she never wanted to die, she didn't deserve to die, it's so not fiar. I know, life isn't fair. It doesn't matter how many times I hear that, it still doesn't console me.