i wish

i wish i could fast forward a year
or go back five years
eaither would work
i wish i had money right now
to go to target and buy garmet racks, and a dresser
and a firepit
i wish i could make a tart
like the one that Brie made...
and i wish i had time with my family to share it with
i wish my whole family
could eat that tart with me
and i wish i had some rollerskates
with a rainbow on the side
and light up wheels
and i wish that i could skate in them
and shoot the moon down the sidewalk
and i wish my refrigerator still made ice
so i could drink cold water whenever i wanted
and i wish that i could sew
so i could have 5 pairs of cargo pants
in different shades of blue
and i wish that the bees were not dying because of our cellphones
because damn, that is sad
and i wish the workweek was only 4 days
i wish my dad would learn to cook
and learn to love food without sugar
so his eyes would heal up
and i wish my sister would come see me
and laugh with me in the back yard
and i wish we could laugh like we used to laugh
when we were different people
and i wish i could carve ice sculputures
and sand sculptures
and i wish i had a pottery wheel
and a kiln
and lots and lots of stains
and i wish i could remember how to braid a friendship bracelet
with a safety pin clipped to my knee
and i wish i had a place to hang hippie beads from a doorway
and a macreme holder, holding a spider plant
and i wish i could love freely and deeply and never, ever get hurt
and i wish i had a golden retriever that promises to never die
and i wish i had a juicer
to juice carrots and ginger
and i wish even more, for 5 more hours in the day
i wish no products were tested on animals
and i wish the shea butter i just put on my face wasn't burning
i wish i could knit socks like Kevin
and paint dolls like my aunt joyce
and decorate cakes like my momma did
and i wish i could wear, sometimes, a lime green rain slicker
with bright yellow boots
and i wish the world was happier
and that every human being knew
the earth is their mother
and i wish my truck ran on solar power
or used grease or someting
and i wish my friends and everyone i love
would find a new job, find new friends, find a place where they belong
or find whatever they need to smile, smile, & smile
and mean it, every time
i wish my feet were one size smaller, so i could borrow Tracie's shoes
and i wish i would have framed some photos
and hung them on the walls
i wish when Leela mewed like that, i'd have taken her to the vet
but you know, she mew'd a lot.. it was her thing, she liked to talk.
I wish I had a way to skip and run and bounce
on the upper side of cumulous clouds
and i wish i had a way to capture it all on film
and i wish all my food turned out as good
as the supper i made tonight
and i wish my big brother would stop
taking drugs and find another passion
that will take away his pain
and i wish i could bottle some of my moments of bliss
and share them with all who need one or two
and i wish my hair was a little curly
and i wish this was friday instead of Saturday
and i wish i could invite Sark over for dinner
and thank her for helping me to remember to live
and i wish i had a big garden that weeded it's self
and in that garden, i wish I had a gnome, and maybe an elf
sitting on a toadstool with blue tailed lizards all around
and i wish i had a coconut
and im not sure why, but i do
and i wish i had a swimming pool
and a homeless shelter with little apartments
that people could just come live in
and be happy in
and i wish i could fly up and look down
and see all of the fragile little bodies in all of the houses
all around me
and i wish i could kiss everyone's tears away
and bandage their wounds
a love them into a healthy state
i wish i had a pair of sandals from the 70's
with flowers etched on the leather
and i wish i lived in a tree
and i wish the tree wanted me there, living with it
and i wish my cousins Karan, Lester and Joey and I could cuddle ourselves to sleep
like we used to, like piles of kittens, sleeping in the front lawn
and i wish i could purr
even though it might be embarassing sometimes
and i wish i could wake up and swim
for three hours every morning
and i wish colony collapse disorder wasn't real
because i am super scared for the bees
and for us, who need the bees
and I wish we could all come together
as people
and just love each other more
and i wish i had clean clothes to wear tomorrow
and i wish i could go to the zoo

random omg's

I can't believe I doodled this. Is my internal clock ticking? Am I subconsciously wanting to grow my hair long and pop out babies? holy crackwhore!!

Oh wait.. I think it's just because I have a baby shower to go to this weekend... I have to drag my ass to walmart, I can't believe anyone would actually register there. Ick. Maybe I should just send her money. She is a good cousin.. even if she did beat me up when I was 7.

Did you know, the walmarts in Kentucky have spitoons outside the store? yup... there was one outside the pizza hut, too. THis was serious hill country tho, maybe they don't have the spitoons everywhere. I found it fascinating to people watch down there.

I just talked to my dad and he said the phraze "al qaedaians", I shit you not. hahah.. he likes to make up words. It took me forever to realize that the word "Pertineer" was really "pretty near"... like, "I'm purtineer home, and i don't ginnly go this way"...

not makin' fun... i make up words too.. aint nuthin' wrong with it.

please

i don't want you to make me whole
i don't want you to fix me up
i don't need you to worry, bitch or moan for me
all i want is a hug, and if you're up for it, an open ear
and a little empathy
and a little kindness here and there
i'm not looking to be patched up, remodeled or refurbished
i'm not looking to be as good as new

and speaking of nuts...

Okay. You so have to check out this online store. WHATTT THE???

Isn't that CRAZY?? Be sure to check out the lighted series.

((Please don't get me any for my birthday or christmas or anything... my truck is a grrl!))

Fucking NUTS!

So, I wasn't feeling well last night and while tossing and turning and falling into fits of half sleep I was obsessed about nuts. Really. It started like i was about to be on a survivor-like game show, except it was real life, and this woman who looked like Jillian from the Biggest Loser was telling us that we were going to have to live on 2 oz of nuts a day. The catch? We had to decide which type of nuts we wanted and we had 24 hours to decide. Now as the dream progressed, I remember finding out that it would be for a period of THREE years! And each day, we'd only get the type of nuts chosen on the first day. And when I say we, it was me and a bunch of strangers who were wearing identical jumpsuits. So tossing and turning and going to the bathroom in real life, i'm obsessing about nuts. What about Macadamia nuts? I thought... they're high in fat and calories, oz per oz, despite their high moisture content, so that might be the one to go with. Then I thought, NO, oh god, there's hardly any carbohydrates in the macadamia, so what about when I need to treck across the jungle? (wtf?) So then I thought.. cashews or peanuts - wait, do peanuts count?? we all know the peanut is actually a legume.. brazil nuts? but would they count the shell in the 2 oz? They have a very hearty shell, after all... CHESTNUTS?? They contain a substantial amount of starch and sugar, providing a nice, long burn, for the treck across the jungle & all... but they spoil quickly, and again, the shell issue! holy shit. more tossing, more turning, COCONUT!! Do coconuts count? Would include the milk? How would they give me just two ounces without sacrificing the integrity of the nut? Pine nut? Walnuts? Pecans? OH GOD WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOO... toss toss, turn turn... will they be organic? Will they be hulled? ALmonds? toss , turn, toss, turn... HELLLLPP MEEE...

so anyway. long night. haha.. im still not sure what nut I'd go with.

turning trope

so maybe its true
that all my metaphors deal with flowers
or seasons
or the circle of life
but i wake up in the morning
dreaming of hens and chickens
and and go to bed in fields of daisies

unless of course
i'm going to bed in darkness
with just a few sky-dotting stars
or on a beach
or somewhere else equally nice
i try not to go to bed
laying on the bed of a flatbed truck
wearing dirty jeans and a snagged flannel shirt

but not all my metaphors are of flowers
some are about
being thrashed by the rapids in the au sable river
and how amazing it felt to crawl to the bank
finally, so bruised and cut and covered in blood
but so very alive
and some too, are about being dragged
by the current, 30 feet into the deep
and how my fingers felt raw dragging along the sand
and how sensational, too, that felt
when i came to the surface
and put fresh air back into my lungs

and i think of those events, sometimes
in direct correlation to my life
and how getting the shit kicked out of me
from time to time makes me
remember again
once it's over and I've survived
that it's good to be here

but maybe i don't obsess as much about that,
as i get older, because more and more
i choose to walk away from pain
maybe i've just had enough to last me for a while
without asking for any more

i don't often walk down my paths of despair
but i do often linger at their entrance
and hover at the forks

when my mother was a daughter
she had lots of brothers and sisters
and she loved her dad
and she loved being in the sun
and she didn't like it when people hurt her
hit her, or smashed in her tiny turned-up nose

when my mother was a mother
she had so much love to give
and she loved me so much it hurt
and she still loved being in the sun
and she loved me enough to make
everything more or less okay
for us both, i think

when i was a daughter
i loved feeling the sun on my shoulders
in the rock garden next to her
freckles or not, i was hers
and sitting amongst the daffodils
pulling pigweed, life was good
and i knew it

so i guess
maybe my analogies are rooted back there
when i was hers, and she was mine
to the sun and the smiles
and the hot summer sand on my feet
and to the daffodils
swaying their goofy yellow heads
back and forth in the flower bed

Bumper Sticker Sighting!!!

I don't know why this excites me so much, since i sold over 3,000 of them, but it still does!!

My bumpersticker, onna car.

:D

sloooooow like tupalo honey

i haven't had a desire to blog
or do much else
except laugh or giggle or sleep
since this weekend
when i decided that life needed to be taken a little slower

aahhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ohhhh yeaaaaahhhhhhh
aaahhhhhh

slowwwwwww
like the hands on the clock in the living room
when I just sit there
and watch it tick
and tock

sloooowwwwwwwwwww
like the condensation
on the side of my glass
droplets leaving trails
and
trickling down
slowwww

ahhh yeahhh
oooh yeah
ahhhhh
.. yeah..

A is for Apple

Look, not every symbol equals a person, place, or time.

Sometimes symbols are just symbols of thoughts or philosophies.

I promise. If I need to say something, I will say it, with no symbolism involved.

moo.

release

the thing about flowers is that they will go away
and i know this going into it...
planting them, buying them, anticipating their arrival..
i know going in
their beauty will not stay for more than a few days
they will not stand tall forever
and i love them anyway
maybe even more, really, because the moments they are here
are so so very precious to me

i get so upset when i see something amazing
and i don't have my camera
because i can't save the moment
i can't keep it from ending
i can't stop time
and i try to calm myself, and enjoy it
and live the moment, and feel the moment
and enjoy the moment
because I know each little moment
becomes my life and it will not stay forever
and i will not stand tall forever
and these moments are all i have

but lately i've been living in the past
ancient past, recent past, all sorts of variations of the past
and really all i have is now
and obsessing about mistakes
wishing on stars or trying to manipulate what happened
to justify it all - doesn't work
it's gone, just like every flower I've ever held
or smelled
and just like the past that i'm trying to pull my happiness from

so i need to drop the dried and crumpled bluebell
from my gripped-tight fist
and let it blow and swirl and soar with the wind
away from me, quite possibly
and accept that the moment in time where the dew was still bubbled on the leaves
is gone

because feeling lonely and feeling sad and feeling sorry and feeling bad
doesn't bring anything back
i'd have resurrected a hundredfold if it could
kittens, calves, puppies and people
and the beautiful bluebell, too.

fat happens

And so do fat-centric blog posts. Once again I'm at the point where I'm not feeling okay with my size; not even a little bit ok. It's not so much a vanity issue, although I would like to be able to wear clothes from hot topic; but what's really kicking my ass is that I'm feeling tired and fat and out of control with the food. So, blogging and photoblogging about what I eat is back. On my "SECRET BLOG", haha.. like it's such a secret... I have started today. So. Go check out my morning tea photo. I should have made it prettier but it was early and I just wanted to drink it. In case someone sees this who hasn't been to my food blog, the url is http://karischewblog.blogspot.com/

And, here are a few reasons why I want to lose weight.

1) To boogie board.
2) To jetski.
3) To kyack.
4) To run on the beach with my golden retriever. (That I don't have yet.)
5) So I can wear blue camoflauge cargo pants. I know, it's war fashion, but dammit I want them anyway. I feel guilty, and I still lust after them.
6) So I can dress just like Jackie on Workout.
7) So I can fold myself up, knees to chest, and hug my knees.
8) So I can swing on a rope swing again, and drop into the lake.
9) So I can wear this swimsuit. Hahahah.. just kidding. If I ever looked like her, I'd think something went terribly wrong in my life.




and most of all,

10) So I can feel good, live a long and happy life, and never have to turn down an invitation to do something fun out of fear of not being able to do it, not being able to keep up, or not being able to keep my pants on my ass. :-o