I'm trying to decide whether I should go home and visit my mom this weekend... since it's week three since the doctors told her she has "two to three weeks" to live. Can you BELIEVE I would actually have to think about whether I want to go or not? Well.. I suck, because I don't want to go. I have been up there the last three weekends and it's just hard. So hard. I start to think about it right now and I already want to curl into a little ball and wimper. I just want to stay home and finish cleaning the house; watch some movies maybe.. but how sick is that?? I mean... If my mom really does die next week, what kind of person would that make me? So. I have to go. Even though I don't have enough money or time, even though we don't get one second to talk because there are a hundred screaming kids and other adults that all want those few minutes with her. Even though staring at her doesn't do much good for either of us, any of us.. it still is the right thing to do. I love my mom, I would do just about anything I can think of to keep her alive.. but what good is this weekend stare-fest? I just want to go home and curl up.. I want to sleep. I want to wake up and be sooo relieved because this was just a nightmare and be amazed at how real it felt.