giving thanks

I am so filled with gratitude right now, for all that I have and all that I continue to receive on a daily basis. For about a week I've been saying the affirmation every morning, "I have everything I need" and each and every time I am astounded at how true that really is. I never expected life to be like this, in any way. Not the good stuff any more than the bad stuff. I could have never predicted the bountiful life that would be laid out before me.

In high school I decided to take graphic design at the skill center so I could ride to bay city in my best friend's car, and get to leave school early every day. I never would have imagined it'd lead to a job I truly enjoy. It also lead to a hobby that I can't even begin to imagine my life without. On the first day of skill center I was handed a 35 millimeter slr camera and plunked down in front of a Macintosh Classic, (WIth an 8 inch monochrome display, wooo!) and it changed my life. It brought me here where, when I am honest with myself, I feel so very lucky to be. Sure I work long hours, sure my ass is shaped like my chair, sure I get bitchy when I have to work weekends.. but shit, I had no hopes for myself. I assumed I'd work at a grocery store or a gas station. Or sell pot. I thought I'd always have shitty cars and bill collectors calling all the time, ramen noodles and dollar store 3 liters of Dr. Pop.

I never, ever, have been a person with goals. This is true. Now taking that into consideration I can't believe all that I have, both materialistically and in every other sense! Aside from personal possessions, my cornucopia of blessings bring tears to my eyes.

Never did I imagine having intimate and profound relationships with people. I never imagined that anyone who didn't have to love me, would love me. Now I can honestly say that I have friends. I have family. I have enough money. I have a place to live. I have a cute blue truck. I have more love than I know what to do with. I have everything I always knew I wanted; but never dared to hope for. I seriously planned on living alone with a barn full of cats. I never dreamed to find connections and love in all of it's beautiful varieties over and over again. Life is shattering all of my expectations. It is smashing to bits every last conjecture.

I think all of these realizations are trying to tell me something BIG. I think it's telling me to not worry so much about everything, and to relax. Breathe. Live in the moment. Live in the day. Be grateful. Be pleased. Be happy. Be present. Be delighted, overjoyed and elated. Be awed.