Words of wisdom...

or, how to be happy.

H - honestly look at your life and define what your morals, principles and values are and then display them in every thing you do.

A - acknowledge and accept the fact that you cannot change another person. That is out of your control. You can only change yourself and you are only responsible for yourself and your actions.

P - praise yourself for all the good things that you have done in your life. Practice random acts of kindness towards yourself and then towards others.

P - practice changing the phrase "mistakes in life" to "Lessons in Life". Pledge to ask yourself in any given situation the following "What can I learn from this situation?" Learn your lesson and then move on to the next life lesson.

Y- You are worthy of happiness. Let go of guilt and embrace your value as a individual doing the best in life that they can do with the knowledge they have at the time. As you know better you will do better. You deserve happiness. Embrace it now.

Tunnelvision Blogging

I feel like I've gotten myself in the habit of blogging when I'm about to crash and burn. One of the things that does is give people a very unbalanced view of who I am. The truth is, I blog when I'm very lonely. Sometimes it's when I'm happy or normal but normally not, normally when I'm happy I'm just doing the things that normal happy people do.

Tonight I watched a movie and laughed and cried and had a wonderful night with someone so close to my heart it makes my heart happy to even think of her. Today at work I laughed and joked and danced around while singing the party in my tummy song. When my friends call, I'm as happy as a clam. When my dad calls, I feel loved. When my sister calls I am beside myself with joy.

I'm not always in that place of despair. But when I am, I want to feel heard, so I blog. It's as simple as that. I don't like the idea of calling a friend up when I'm gonna be a downer to them. I don't mind if friends call me when they're down, but if they're gonna slit their wrists I'd rather they didn't call. That may sound cold hearted, but I don't know what to do or say in those situations and it feels like immense pressure for me to pull the right thing to do or say out of my ass.

So my point is.. this is where the crud gets deposited. Out of my mind and onto the page.

I'm not always so miserable. In fact, lately, life has been feeling pretty level. I adore my little apartment. I love having people over to sample my crockpot cuisine. I love my tv with it's high def goodness. I love that Nibbler is fluffy again and purring more often than not. She's a good girl, she deserves a good life.

I'm not manic or depressed right now, and I'm a little on the upper side of neutral. Life is feeling okay.

I appreciate those who have posted their concern - I really do - but please know that it's but a tiny slice of what goes on in my three ring circus of a mind.

Never Offer Your Heart to Someone Who Eats Hearts

(I just like this - not implying that my heart is being eaten!)

Never offer your heart
to someone who eats hearts
who find heartmeat
delicious
but not rare
who sucks the juices
drop by drop
and bloody-chinned
grins
like a God.
Never offer your heart
to a heart gravy lover.
Your stewed, overseasoned
heart consumed
he will sop up your grief
with bread
and send it shuttling
from side to side
in his mouth
like bubblegum.
If you find yourself
in love
with a person
who eats hearts
these things
you must do.
Freeze your heart
immediately,
Let him—next time
he examines your chest—
find your heart cold
flinty and unappetizing.
Refrain from kissing
lest he in revenge
dampen the spark
in your soul.
Now,
sail away to Africa
where holy women
await you
on the shore—
long having practiced the art
of replacing hearts
with God and Song.

–Alice Walker, Never Offer Your Heart to Someone Who Eats Hearts