Rough, rough weekend....

I spent the weekend copying old family videos to dvd.. I wanted it done, wanted it archived, yet feel as raw as a slab of tenderized serloin. I feel tired, I feel ripped apart, i feel overwhelmed with the kind of sadness that you don't know exists, until the moment when you do.

All I want to do is spend about a week in bed, curled up with a 12 pack of diet grape faygo and the remote control.

But, as I'm sure everyone can identify with - thats not my life.

Not that I really want it to be. Laying in bed won't solve this.

I just want to wake up and realize I just had THE WORST nightmere of my life... I just want to wake up and realize my mom is weeding her garden or having tea with her friends, taking a class, hanging up clothes, decorating cakes, watching the grandkids... something, anything....

anything at all except where she is. I want my mom back. I feel like screaming it, bawling it, skywriting it... pissing it in the snow, writing it in the sand.. why can't He hear me? Why can't He make this all better?

I just want her back. I want her back. I want her back. I WANT HER BACK.